


XV. Sam Winchester

by ShadowCas



Series: Where Do We Go From Here? (SPN Hiatus Creations 2019) [15]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Betaed, Dean/Cas (mentioned only), F/M, Fluff, Long coda, Love Confessions, New Relationship, Pre-Season/Series 15, Romance, SPN Hiatus Creations 2019, Sam Winchester living his life and going for what he wants, Samuelllllllllll, Week 15, coda series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 19:28:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20569646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowCas/pseuds/ShadowCas
Summary: Sam should be ecstatic after the victory against Chuck. So why does he feel like an important piece of his happiness is still missing?





	XV. Sam Winchester

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to sweetness47 for beta-ing!

Sam should be happy that they’ve finally won against Chuck, but he finds himself irrationally wishing for the final hours before the battle went down.

It doesn’t make sense. He knows it doesn’t. Finally winning means that the Empty no longer has a hold on Jack or Cas. Finally winning means that Jack is back with them, for good. Finally winning means that Kaia is free, that Alicia is alive, that the apocalypse has ended, that the dozens of hunters crammed into the Bunker are finally going to move out and part ways, leaving enough space for its permanent residents to breathe.

But maybe too much space.

Sam can’t pretend that these feelings aren’t brought up by watching a certain someone slowly pack a designer bag that sits on the table between them.

Dean, on the other hand, has been cutting in and out of the room, throwing Sam knowing glances that he knows all too well from giving them himself. He huffs, annoyed that Dean is turning his own tactics back on him.

The next time that Rowena leaves the room, Sam catches Dean by the elbow, and his older brother has the nerve to look offended.

“What?” Sam demands. “If you have something to say, Dean, say it!”

Dean shrugs, twisting the corner of his lip. “I dunno. Just seems like you don’t want her to leave.”

“Okay. And?”

“Nothing. You should tell her.”

Sam thinks he’s escaped the message he fears, but Dean turns back towards him and shoots him a wink as he walks out yet again.

Great.

In his heart, he knows Dean is right. Sam had suggested pretty much the same to Dean regarding Cas, and all in all, it had turned out well. Clearly, Cas had been harboring the same feelings as Dean because as soon as Dean had opened up the conversation, they fell into the pattern of a couple that had been together for years. Which, in a way, Sam supposes, is not entirely incorrect. There’s been something there ever since Cas materialized in that barn over a decade ago, spread his wings, and declared to Dean, “I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition.”

But Sam and Rowena don’t have that kind of shared history, not at all. They’d once been complete enemies, and furthermore, Sam can’t think of one defining moment where it all clicked into place. He can’t point out on the timeline where they moved from enemies to reluctant allies, or where that turned into a tentative friendship, or where that friendship blossomed into something more between them. Rather, it’s one big gradient, ever fluid, ever changing colors.

Rowena comes back into the room, carrying a bundle of items with her and dumping them on the table. She starts to sort through them, drawing back for a moment as her hand hovers over a box of matches.

Well, maybe there is a shared history there.

It’s a different history than Dean and Cas’s, but it’s history. Sam and Rowena’s shared trauma has formed a unique, but equally strong bond between them. It’s the one silver lining to all the terrible things Lucifer put them through; that there’s one other person in this world who understands how that feels.

“Well, that’s all,” Rowena comments, breaking him out of his thoughts. Her bag is fully packed and zipped, placed on top of a neatly folded jacket. She stands with her arms crossed, leaning her hip against the table.

“Already?” Sam asks.

She nods, looking at him curiously through her lashes.

Sam suddenly feels anger rush through him  — anger at himself for letting her get even this far out the door. He’s been no better than Dean all these years, creating excuse after excuse for why he has to put his happiness on hold. Excuses for why he can’t pursue the things that those with normal lives can.

Is he going to keep letting his identity as a hunter rule his life forever?

“Wait!” he says.

Rowena regards him with interest. “What is it, Samuel?”

“Uh, well, what if something goes wrong with Jack? We don’t know everything about the God Mark yet,” he stammers. “You should stay a little longer. Just in case.”

Rowena purses her lips. She turns away from him and gathers her things. “You have Amara _and_ Billie’s assurance that the Mark will not harm him. There’s no need for me.” She shrugs on her jacket, grabs her bag, and stands squarely at him, almost defiantly. “Goodbye, Samuel.”

“No, wait,” he repeats one more time, moving to block her exit. He sighs. “It has nothing to do with Jack. I want you to stay, okay?”

Her eyes widen just a bit. “You do?”

“Yes. Please?”

She laughs lightly, the ends of her curls bouncing as she does so. “Well, you could have just said so.” She drops her bag back onto the table. “Preferably before I packed up all my things.”

His face warms. “Sorry.”

She rolls her eyes good-naturedly. “Ah well, at least you didn’t wait ‘til I was halfway across the country.” She levels him with her intense gaze. “Was that all?”

“Yes,” he says quickly, but his response is followed by a rush of guilt at his cowardice. “No.” He takes a deep breath. “No, I, uh… I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to be like Dean and Cas, dancing around each other for years.”

He takes a moment to look at her. She is calm, eyes betraying only interest, and nothing else.

He continues, putting forth as much confidence as he can muster, “You’re important to me, Rowena. I like you — no — love you. I love you.” The words tumble out of him, much to his own horror. He fears he’s gone too far, but he can’t seem to stop the stream of consciousness flowing freely from his lips. “You and I have both gone through so much. And we’ve finally won. I don’t want to lose you after all that. When I said, ‘stay,’ I meant, ‘stay _with me_.’”

She responds with a series of blinks. “Sam…” She lets out a huff of air. Shocked? Amused? Sam isn’t sure.

“Say something. Please,” he begs.

“Bloody hell,” she moans, scrunching her face up as if preparing for some kind of unpleasantness, “I love you, too, you great oaf.” A bit of pinkness tints her cheeks as she opens her eyes to look at his surprised, overjoyed expression. She quickly looks away, dodging his eyes. “Och, how embarrassing. Did you really have to pry it out of me like that?”

Sam takes her hands in his, unable to stop himself. “Do you mean it?”

“Of course,” she retorts, glowering at him. “Do you think I’d really put myself through saying it if it wasn’t true?”

Sam laughs, and not long after, Rowena can’t help but laugh with him.

They both stop for a moment, smiling warmly at each other as they catch their breath.

“Was that all you wanted to ask me?” Rowena teases. “No more shocking revelations or serious requests?”

“Actually, there was one more thing…”

Rowena turns her eyes skyward. “Amara above! _More?_” She looks back at him. “What?”

Sam smiles softly. “Can I kiss you?”

“Oh. That.” She draws in closer, eyes glinting. “Well, in that case, I’d thought you’d never ask.”

They close the distance between them, and Rowena’s lips press gently against his. He pulls her flush against his body, lifting her just a little to help with their height difference.

After they separate, she grins at him with sparkling eyes, an expression that he’s sure is similar to his own.

He’s so incredibly lucky. He has his family together, all in one piece. He’s found what he hopes will be lifelong companionship. And for once, he doesn’t have the weight of the world on his shoulders.

He’s finally going to start living his life for him.


End file.
